Chapter 6 Bren
Bren
“Not feeling well?”
A deep male voice interrupted my nausea. My churning stomach was as insistent as a gnat buzzing near my ear, and I just wanted to slap it away. But in order for that to happen, I had to subject myself to this exam. Damn the comfy robe that Mandy thought I’d enjoy. If I had the usual paper sheet covering me, I could just pull it up over my head.
“Ugh,” I groaned, and the nurse piped in.
“Miss Matthews isn’t the biggest fan of…lady doctor visits.”
“Can we…uh… just get the uncomfortable part over with as soon as possible, please?” I added in a strangled whisper, still not removing my arm from over my face. Another flip of my churning gut caused a moan.
“No problem. I totally understand.”
Why did the voice sound familiar?
The doctor ran the water in the sink, and I peeked out from underneath my arm mask in time to see his rigid back. The snap of the rubber gloves sounded like gunfire to my sensitized body. I closed my eyes once again. God, could this just be over with already? There was nothing worse than the annual stirrups of shame, and now I had to be subjected to it twice in one year. And if I was pregnant? I’d have so many hands inside my hoo-ha, I could tattoo an open for business sign right above it.
“Please scoot down to the end of the table.”
That voice.
If I hadn’t been so miserable, I would have garnered the energy to peek at whoever was looming over me. Instead, it took everything inside my soul to move down until my bare ass was hanging over the end of the table. A hand gripped one foot, then the next, helping me place them in the dreaded stirrups, but I kept my knees pressed firmly together.
The light creaked, and then it snapped on. Its searing heat pierced my sensitive flesh, and I felt on display. Exposed.
Vulnerable.
“Okay, Miss Matthews, I’m just going to-”
“I’ve had an exam before. I know the drill,” I groaned. If I could have flashed a green light in his face, I would have. Anything to speed up this torture.
“All righty then, let’s not waste any more time.” With gentle hands, he pushed my legs apart. “Relax, this will all be over soon.”
The doctor pressed on my stomach and slid two fingers inside my vaginal canal. Just when I thought he’d hurry up and get it over with, he stopped. My heart raced, and my already sweaty palms moistened to the point where I thought they might drip onto the paper lining the leather exam table.
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Was something wrong?
With me or with my possible baby?
He exhaled a ragged breath that spoke volumes. Something was definitely off here. I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. White-hot panic seemed to have frozen my tongue.
A prickle of realization laced with dread stole up my spine and landed on the top of my skull.
“Bren?” he murmured softly.
My rapid breathing slowed to a stop as the tension in the room ratcheted up to Defcon Five.
“Yeah?” How did he know to call me by my middle name? Something about his voice sounded vaguely familiar. I racked my brain and slowly pulled the arm from over my face. If I could just get a good look at his expression, I might be able to gauge how devastating this situation had become in the space of a couple of seconds.
“Is everything o-”
My gaze met his, and the room spun. A wild, tragic swirl of vibrant colors took the place of regular vision. I struggled to sit up but fell back down on my back with a whooshing thump and a crinkle of paper.
No. Fucking. Way.
This can’t be happening. It can’t. God, what did I ever do to deserve this? The humiliation? The mortification. The…
“The form said your name was Ashley,” he said as a dose of adrenaline hit my system, causing my pulse to hammer wildly.
Shit. It was him.
And his fingers were still inside me.
Another wave of nausea flowed over me, and I shut my eyes against the light of the fluorescent overheads, begging my stomach to stay calm. If I could just control my breathing, I could get the hell out of here without totally losing it.
“Can you please remove your hand?” I managed.
“Right. Sorry.” The doctor slid his thick fingers from my lady parts and rose to his feet.
After at least a minute of ragged inhales and prayers directed at my stomach to not shame me any further, I managed to moan out, “My name is Ashley.” I scuttled back on the table and covered my legs. He may have seen it all before, but in the cold light of the exam room, I felt more exposed than I’d ever been. “I go by my middle name.”
Snapping off his gloves, he tossed them into the trash can. “Right. Uh, Jean?” He turned to face the confused nurse who looked like she’d entered an alternate universe and didn’t understand her role there. “Would you mind giving us a moment? I’d like to speak to Miss Matthews alone.”
“Sure, I’ll just…” Jean cleared her throat and opened the door, but as she backed out of the room, I didn’t hear the distinct click of the metal door closing behind her.
Pinching his nose between his fingers, he dragged himself from the edge of the exam table and snapped the door shut himself before turning to look at me again. I didn’t think I could withstand the implications of that look.
Shit. What did it mean?
I’d already taken my feet from the stirrups and sat perched on the end of the exam table, the white paper crinkling beneath me as I shifted restlessly. I stared at a spot on the pristine tile floor, focusing my attention there.
God, I wished that he’d just get out of this room so I could put my clothes back on and erect some type of fabric barrier between us. He had the upper hand, and he knew it.
“Listen, I should probably go. I had no idea-” I started, but he cut in.
“Why did you just disappear on me like that?”
I should have known he wouldn’t be a gentleman and let me escape with at least a shred of my tattered pride intact. My cheeks flushed with color under the blame lacing his words, and I could feel it creep from my neck upward. I swallowed hard but kept my lips clamped together. How dare he ask that question right now?
“I had a great time with you,” he admitted after a strained moment. “I…” He blew out a breath and raked all ten fingers through his hair.
Nothing mattered more to me right now than getting out of this exam room. It felt like all the oxygen had been vacuumed out. I couldn’t draw a normal breath.
“I-”
“Did you not feel the same way? Because I thought-”
“No, no.” I shook my head, and my long hair fell over my face before I pushed it behind one ear. Considering leaving it hanging over my eyes like a veil, my hand trembled under the effort of the simple motion of securing it back so I could see him. “I had an amazing time too. I just…” I shook my head, trying to find words that made sense. “You were-are-more than I’m looking for. Right now, I mean.”
“What does that mean?”