Chapter 128
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128
Upon arriving, I realize that nobody else is around. He takes his hand in mine as we walk from the parking lot to the beach entrance. I sigh in relief when I notice a wooden path, knowing I won't have to struggle while walking with my cast on. "Why is there nobody around?" I ask Silas as I look around me again. "Because I booked the whole place for us," he sheepishly says. "I want you to have a nice experience and I know how much you value your privacy, so I thought to myself that if I want to see you truly happy, maybe I should make sure that you have all the privacy you may ever need." My heart flutters at his thoughtfulness. "Thank you so much." I stop walking and slightly pull at his hand, causing him to look at me. I reach for him and wrap my arms around his body. It doesn't take him long to do the same. He places a gentle kiss on the top of my head before I slowly untangle my arm from around him. Silas hasn't kissed me on the lips ever since he did it once and I told him I didn't feel anything. I still feel bad about that day because I knew that I hurt him, but I also didn't want to lie to him. I can never toy with his feelings like that. He doesn't deserve that from me or At the end of the wooden path, I find a round table with flower petals on it. Rose petals to be exact. He really has thought about everything. The effort he has been making with me makes guilt eat at my heart. He is doing everything in his power to make me remember how I once fell in love with him, yet my heart is a block of ice and I hate that. "Silas, this
anyone else.
is truly amazing," I say, looking up at him. I love the height difference between us "I'm glad you like it," he tells me as he guides me to my seat.
"I don't just like it. I love it. I love everything about it," I tell him. I want him to know that I'm truly grateful for his presence in my life and all that he has been doing for me.
I enjoy the swooshing sound of the waves as I stare at the sea for a few seconds. I want to start a conversation with Silas, but I don't know what to talk to him about. I feel like there are millions of things we can discuss together, yet I cannot think of one of them. "How have you been? I haven't contacted you during the past two days," Silas starts the conversation. "Why haven't you contacted me?" I ask. I want to know more about this mentality.
"I was
giving you space, to be
e honest," he admits, keeping his eyes on me. Something about his gaze makes me feel like he doesn't see anything else whenever we are together but me. "I don't want you to think that I'm love-bombing you, Rosie. The last thing I want is for coerced into being with me in any way." He is very considerate, and I love that about him. "Thank you for that and... I didn't do much except for going out with Everest once," I tell him. The way he tenses when I mention going out with Everest makes me wonder if I should have kept that piece of information to myself.
you
to feel
"Where did you did you go? If you don't mind me asking, of course," he tries his best to sound casual.
"He took me to a nice park, and we sat by a pond. We talked about a few things, then he took me back home," I tell him.
"Did you have fun?" he asks. There's something about the look in his eyes I cannot decipher.
"I did," I admit, hoping my answer won't upset him.
I'm glad that you had fun. You need that." If he's hurt, he does his best to conceal his true feelings.
"What about you? What did you do during those days?" I change the subject.
"I went out with Knox, spent time with my family, and prepared for this date," he replies.
"I love everything about it. Thank you so much," I thank him again.
"And you're going to love the food. I made sure to have the chef cook your favorite," he tells me. "Would you like to eat now?"
"That would be great. I'm starving." I say with a small smile.
Silas motions for somebody behind me and when I check, I find a waiter walking towards us with a tray of food. When the waiter sets everything on the table, my stomach growls at the delicious smell of the food Silas has chosen.
The way he knows me is mind-blowing. I don't even know if this is because the fact that we used to date or because he has known me for years.
Silas and I agreed to stop referring to each other as boyfriend and girlfriend when he realized how uncomfortable I was with the whole situation. I could easily see that he didn't want that, but when I made that request, he agreed because he wanted me to be at ease. He asked if we could spend time together and I agreed, knowing that he was a huge part of the last six months of my life.
How would I connect with the missing years if I don't have any connection with a huge part of it? More importantly, how could I ever find it in my heart to completely kick Silas out of my life when he has been nothing but nice to me? He has been very helpful and caring and I cannot just tell him to walk away. I cannot do that to him.
"Do you think we can sit closer to the shore?" I request, looking at him after we finish eating The food wasn't just good. It was phenomenal. The way he has taken care of all the details makes my heart dance with joy:
"Whatever you want, Rosie," he says, getting up from his seat. He walks towards me and carefully helps me stand up. "Maybe
into your I should carry you. We don't want sand to get
cast."
I think about it for a second, then nod, knowing that if sand gets into the cast, it will be a big hassle. In one swift movement, Silas picks me up. I giggle as I wrap my arms around his neck and unconsciously let my head rest against his shoulder. Being carried by him feels familiar and nothing about it feels unnatural. It's like I belong to his arms. ilas sets me down once we're close enough to the shore, then takes a seat beside me. The salty breeze of the sea makes my hair fly around and no matter how many times I try to tame it, I find it impossible to do so.
Silas takes me by surprise when he takes a hair tie out of his pocket and hands it to me. When I look at him with a smile that surely depicts my confusion, he looks at me and says, "You always forget to bring a hair tie with you whenever you go out and I noticed that, so I always carry one with me just in case you need it." Why does he have to be so caring like that? I have never seen somebody as caring as Silas before except for my dad. I have always admired the way Dad loves Mum and I never thought that I would be lucky enough to find that kind of love for myself. Yet, here I am with a guy who is is offering me a unique kind of love and I cannot bring myself to remember how much I used to love him. know t that during college, we used to live in the same apartment complex, but... did we use to text a lot?" Fm trying to get to know how our relationship used to be because I am scared that if I ended up walking away, I would be abandoning something I would never be able to find again. "Yes, we used to text a lot," he answers and reaches for his phone inside his pocket. He unlocks his phone without hiding the screen from me, but I look away, not wanting to violate his privacy. He hands me the phone that is open on our Whatsapp messages. "Feel free to read them all if you want."
I take the phone from him and start reading our messages. They bring a smile to my face when I see how playful we used to be. We seemed pretty in love and every part of my heart wants to remember how we used to be. "Thank you, Silas," I say, looking into his eyes. "Thank you for being patient with me. I know that this isn't okay and what you're going through because of me is too much to handle, yet you haven't complained at all. Not even once."
"I will do anything for you, Rosie. I want you to be sure of that," he says, leaning towards me. He places a soft kiss on my forehead. I have thought a lot about walking away because I feel that I have caused him too much pain, but the way he is with me is preventing me from doing so. I wonder if I stay for longer without being able to remember anything about us would cause him more pain than walking away now.
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