Tangled in Moonlight: Unshifted

Grimoire appears, floating in mid-air, in his preferred form of a child. "I'm not up to anything, you suspicious mutt."

Selene's lips curl back, exposing sharp teeth in a silent warning. The darker fur along her spine bristles, but she remains where she is. Grimoire ignores her.

"What's going through that head of yours?" I ask, feeling a vague sense of trepidation tickling its way down my spine. "You're plotting something. I can tell."

"I believe it's time we seriously consider removing your soul's wards." Grimoire's childlike form hovers as he rotates slowly, his hair and clothes the only things that move according to gravity. It's a trick he doesn't do often; not everyone in Wolf's Landing knows he exists. Outside of our cabin, he's usually in the form of a fox, if he takes a form at all.

A few have seen the red-haired child, but not often enough to cause rumors. While everyone knows about Selene, few know about this second magical being in my head.

"My what?" Frowning, I turn his words over in my head. They're strange and don't make sense. Soul wards? "What are you talking about?"

Grimoire's palm meets his forehead with a sharp smack; it's a mannerism he's picked up from watching the pack's children, and looks odd when he does it. "Not this again. We've had this conversation before, Ava."

A chill races across my skin. My gaze darts to Selene, whose ears now lay flat against her skull.

Yes, Selene says, answering my unspoken question. I remember this discussion. We decided it wasn't worth the risk.

That's impossible. I would remember being a part of this conversation. "When did we talk about this?"noveldrama

It's been quite some time now, but not long enough for you to forget.

"It's the second time," Grimoire points out. "She forgot my words on our first meeting, as well." His form is finally upside down as he stares at me, eyes glittering.

"What are these wards?"

"The layered wards on your soul are what we believe prevent you from shifting. They're complex and strange."

Definitely not the kind of information I'd forget so completely. My heart trembles, and I wrap my arms around myself. As if I can hold all my memories inside by the simple movement. "This can't be true. Memories don't just disappear like that."

But my eyes dart to Selene again, because—they do. She's living, furry proof of it.

Selene rests her chin against the floor, heaving a deep sigh.

I understand this pain, she says, her presence warm and soothing in my head, like a metaphysical hug. Can you feel where they are missing? The void in your head?

My fingers drum against my arms, but I can't feel any gaps in my memories. No empty spaces. No missing pieces. Everything feels whole, complete—and that terrifies me more than finding holes would. At least Selene has a fuzzy realization of missing memories. I have nothing.

"I don't understand. Wouldn't I notice if memories disappeared?"

Grimoire's small form floats closer, upright once again. "The mind is complex."

I wonder how many other conversations we've had that you no longer remember.

"There's no way to track what's been lost," Grimoire says, with a shrug—as if this is little more than a minor bump in the road. "At least you have us to remember for you."

A violent shiver wracks my body, but the cold isn't from the winter air. "And these wards are on my soul? What are they supposed to do?"

"Yes. They're likely preventing you from accessing your true nature, your full potential. The reason you can't shift or integrate with the pack links. It's only my theory, but I can't imagine it being wrong." Grimoire's childlike face grows serious. "We need to work on removing them."

She's strong enough as she is. Selene's hackles rise. We agreed it isn't worth the risk. You said she could get lost in her own soul!

The phantom scent of burning pyres is sudden and overwhelming. Twenty-seven names. The pack's howls of grief still echo in my ears.

My head spins, aching with Grimoire's words. With how desperately I want more strength. And the terrifying idea I could disappear, lost in my own soul, of all places.

Would I die? Or would my body live on, dependent on IVs and machines to keep me alive? Lucas would do that—waiting for the day I woke up as Ava again.

"It's impossible to answer your questions. Tampering with a soul is forbidden for many reasons—the outcome is never assured." Grimoire lowers himself until he's standing on the ground and walks toward me with his arms stretched out for a hug, like he's the child he's pretending to be.

Still, I grab his tiny body and pull him onto my lap, grateful for the warmth he brings. It's enough to chase away the chill of fear leaving me trembling.

Selene scoots across the floor on her belly, until her muzzle rests against my foot.

I force my racing thoughts into order, pushing the panic aside. Logic. Facts. That's what I need right now.

"Who would even put wards on my soul?" I absently pat Grimoire's hair as I consider the situation, trying to pretend it's about someone else. It's easier to create distance that way. "The Blackwood Pack doesn't have any magicians. Was it a vampire?"

"Unlikely." Grimoire wraps his arms around my waist and leans into me. He's so affectionate, when he isn't being condescending. Being alone for so long has left its scars on his bookish soul. It feels natural to hold him like this when he's silent, but strange when he talks. Like holding a tiny adult instead of a child. "A vampire's magic doesn't look like this. Though I suppose it's unlikely for anyone in your pack to know magic; they were quite traditional."

Traditional. A polite way of saying they rejected anything that wasn't pure wolf shifter. There's no way someone who knew magic would go under the radar there… right?

When did the wards appear? Selene wonders. From birth, or as a child?

"It's impossible to see when a ward was created, but they are complex. Perhaps even ancient. I can sense their presence, but my understanding of their purpose or origin…" Grimoire pats my arm with his tiny hand, and it's only then I realize he's trying to comfort me, instead of seeking affection. "I'm sorry, Ava. I wish I knew more."

"You can't tell me anything else?"

"Only that they exist. And that they exist in layers."

My teeth worry at my bottom lip. For Grimoire to be so stumped… It isn't something we haven't run into before, but it's always unnerving. I've become dependent on his knowledge.

But now there's someone else we can rely on.

"We should talk to Magister Orion before we decide anything. He might have some insight."