Chapter 74
Chapter 74
“Ouch…”
As I woke up, a wave of disorientation washed over me, accompanied by a throbbing pain in my head.
As I blinked away the sleep from my eyes, I became aware that I had dozed off on the floor, feeling the chill of the wooden door against my back. Slowly, I groaned and pushed myself up, the pain in my spine causing me to wince with each movement. My back was screaming with pain, and I found myself reflexively rubbing the sore area, desperately seeking some respite from the
discomfort.
As I struggled to stand up, I could feel the stiffness in my muscles from tossing and turning all night in an uncomfortable position. After all the crying I did last night, my entire face felt swollen and puffy.
I was just getting ready to wash my face and standing upright, I couldn’t help but notice a faint rustling sound coming from outside my door.
“Huh?”
With a furrowed brow, I tentatively made my way towards the door, feeling my heart thumping in my chest, a blend of fear and curiosity filling my senses.
With a deep breath, I summoned the courage to grasp the doorknob. My hesitation was palpable as I slowly twisted it, and then, with a gentle push, the door swung open. A surge of surprise coursed through me as I saw a person sitting on my porch, their back turned towards me, causing my eyes to widen.
Rubbing my eyes, I blinked repeatedly, half expecting the strange sight before me to vanish like a mirage. Yet, when I took another look, I couldn’t believe my eyes: Axton was sitting on my porch, his back facing me, as if he had been waiting there all along.
The sound of his soft snoring filled the air as he slept, his head leaning against the wall.
Exhausted, I let out a sigh and ran my hands over my face, hoping to shake off the remnants of sleep and the fog of confusion. I couldn’t believe he was still here, after everything that had happened between us. His presence felt surreal.
All night long, had he actually been waiting for me?
In that moment, conflicting emotions battled within me- a part of me yearned to unleash my fury, to scream at him for encroaching upon my sanctuary and stubbornly refusing to leave. But another part of me felt a pang of something else, something softer and more vulnerable.
Despite everything, he had chosen to stay.
It seemed like he hadn’t abandoned the strange relationship we had completely, after all.
Torn between conflicting emotions, I stood there for a moment, unsure of what to do next. Should I rouse him from his sleep and demand answers, or should I leave him be and carry on as if nothing had transpired?
In the end, curiosity overwhelmed me, and I cautiously made my way towards him, my heart pounding in my chest. As I got closer, I could see the tension in his shoulders, the way his hands were clenched into fists in his lap. It was evident that he was experiencing
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sleep difficulties, but he persisted in his stubbornness, choosing to stay outside my house until I finally stirred from my slumber.
Instead of waking him up with harsh words, I softly tapped him with my foot to rouse him from his slumber.
“Hey.”
As he stirred, his eyes fluttered open, and he looked up at me with a bewildered expression. Rubbing his eyes sleepily, he mumbled barely audible words.
“Chestnut?”
As I nodded, the weight in my throat grew heavier, making it challenging to find the perfect words. My voice trembled slightly as l
stared at him.
*What are you doing here, dumbass?”
“I couldn’t leave,” Axton let out a tired sigh, his hand instinctively reaching up to tousle his messy hair as he averted his gaze, letting out a tired yawn. With a barely audible voice, he admitted. “Not when we just fought.”
I felt a sudden jolt in my chest as his words registered, a conflicting surge of anger and relief washing over me. I had no idea how I wanted him to act, unsure if I subconsciously desired him to treat me like Zeke used to. I couldn’t help but be shocked by his choice to stay, as I had grown so accustomed to people leaving whenever they had a disagreement with me.
“Don’t lie. You couldn’t leave?” I repeated, incredulous. “After everything that happened between us, you still couldn’t leave? That’s not–That’s not true. Tell me that’s not-”
Axton’s reaction to my words was noticeable – he flinched and quickly averted his gaze to his lap, nodding in agreement. Tentatively, his hand lingered above my legs, as though longing for the connection of a touch. He resists, and in that fleeting moment, a pang of sadness washes over me.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, his voice filled with regret. “I know I messed up, but I just… I couldn’t bear to leave you like this. I want to make things right with you.”
As I stood there, I sensed an overwhelming wave of emotions rising up, teetering on the edge of release. A part of me longed to unleash a piercing scream at him, to convey that his apology fell short in alleviating the anguish he had inflicted. However, deep down, a tiny and delicate part of me yearned to grant hind forgiveness, to hold onto the belief that we could navigate through this situation.
Feeling torn inside, I took a step back, creating a physical space between us as I struggled to sort through my conflicting emotions. I wrap my arms around myself, feeling my heart pounding so loudly that it reverberates in my ears. Standing up, Axton brushes the dirt from his pants, creating a small cloud of dust. He maintains a respectful distance from me, his expression inscrutable as he
continues to stare.
“I don’t know what you want me to do, Axton,” admitted, my voice barely above a whisper. “Your words really hurt me. You basically called me a liar. I don’t know if I can forgive you,”
Η
Surprise washed over Axton as his eyes widened, a flicker of hurt passing through his expression.
“I understand,” he said quietly, his voice tinged with sadness. “I don’t deserve your forgiveness.”
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I couldn’t escape the heavy atmosphere that his words created, as they relentlessly pressed upon me. Despite everything, I couldn’t help but hold onto a glimmer of hope for us, however small it may be. But before I could say anything else, Axton stood up and turned away, his face downcast and his body language expressing defeat.
“I’ll leave you alone-”
In an instant, I tense up and instinctively reach out to grab his arm, trying to prevent him from leaving.
Abruptly, Axton comes to a halt, his gaze fixed on me.
In all honesty, I must admit that I have completely lost any sense of self–respect. He treats me with such kindness and consideration that it feels like he could be the only person in the world who would do so for me.
Despite preaching to Sammy and Nadia about deserving better, I am ironically behaving in a way that goes against my own advice. I’m discarding all the advice I’ve given, just to experience the way Axton used to look at me when everything was fine.
“Chestnut-”
“No,” Chewing on my bottom lip, I murmur softly while deliberately avoiding eye contact. With a tender gesture, Axton turns and places his free hand on top of mine, grounding me in his presence. Just as he starts to tilt his head and part his lips, I jump in and speak before he can utter a word. “Come inside. Let’s talk.”