# 2 — Chapter 22
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“Did you enjoy your meal?” Gaetano asks as I wipe my mouth for the final time on my napkin.
“Yes, I did,” I respond politely. I am stuffed. The food was so good and I couldn’t stop eating. I even forced myself to finish off the last few bites of pasta. I place my napkin over my empty plate and sip the rest of my fourth glass of wine.
“I hope you saved room for dessert,” he stands and hold out his hand for me to take.
My hand shakes as I reach up and grab his. He helps me out and I realize he has thrown a hundred euro bill on the table. The rest of the meal must’ve been paid for because we walk straight out of the restaurant and into the car. We both pile into the backseat and sit next to each other in quiet. The atmosphere feels awkward and I want more than anything is to leave the car. The silence feels suffocating.
Gaetano leans close so he can whisper in my ear, “I can’t wait to get this dress off of you,” he purrs, “I’ve been staring at it all night. You know, black is my favorite color.”
Of course it is.
I flash him back a smile, it’s all I can do. I could have the most suburb actress skills and still pretending to like and respond with seduction in my voice, I can’t do. I can’t whisper filth in his ear or act excited like I want tonight to happen. The best I can do is nonverbal cues that make me seem shy. Curling my lip in disgust will get me nowhere-it could even end with a bullet through my skull.
The car ride ends sooner than expect and my body trembles with fear as Gaetano gets out of the car and walks around to hold my door open. We’re in front of his house-the guest house of the villa. I’m reluctant to walk up the stairs and Gaetano must sense it because he tugs me along. Our fingers are interlocked and he guides me to the front door, into the foyer, up the stairs and suddenly we find ourselves in the master bedroom. His bedroom.
It all feels like a blur. The entire night feels like a blur but no amount of wine will make me forget what will happen in this bedroom tonight. Out of the corner of my eyes I see Gaetano shrugging off his suit jacket and putting it back on the hanger. When I turn my head to look at him he’s loosening his tie and striding toward me in long steps.
He gives me a lovers gaze and a kind smile. I close my eyes and tell myself it’s all a manipulation. He’s charming, but he’s cruel. He circles me like a vulture until he’s standing behind me. I can feel his hot breath on the back of neck. His cold finger touches the top of my exposed back and move down my spine until he reaches the zipper and pulls it all the way down.
My dress pools at my feet and I feel exposed and vulnerable. All the power and confidence has now left my entire system. I am laid bare for him to see and for him to do as he sees fit. He sits at the edge of the bed and reaches out to pull me closer so I’m standing between his open legs. The only articles of clothing left on me is my stilettos and a matching set of lacy black underwear and a strapless bra.
Gaetano grips my biceps and starts pushing me down until I’m on my knees. He unzips his pants and pulls himself out. My eyes can’t help but widen. I’m not ready for this. I don’t want to be so exposed like this. He forces my head down and I nearly gag. My eyes begin to water and I pray that he will be done soon.
I try to think of anything else. When Vinny and I were married he would have these urges. I think he used to like having his dick sucked more than he liked having sex. He would get aggressive and adamant about me getting on my knees even if I wasn’t in the mood. So, sometimes I would have to grin and bear it. This is just like that time. I will do what I have to do, do it to the best of my ability and just wait for it to be over.
At least with Vinny a blowjob ended with his come down my throat, this sadly doesn’t end that way. He pulls me off of him when he gets close. He stands and tugs off his remaining clothes until he’s naked. He throws me on the bed and peels off my underwear and underwear the claps of my bra. The only thing left on my body is my stilettos.
“I know I wanted to taste you, but I can’t wait to be inside of you,” Gaetano crawls between my legs ready to push instead despite feeling how ready I am.
I crawl back and cry out, “Wait!” He gives me a strange, yet angry look. “Condom.”
His eyebrows furrowed together. “I don’t need to wear a condom,” he shakes his head.
“What if I get pregnant?” I knew the possibility is impossible but I didn’t want to take him bare.
“Then so be it,” his lips curl into a smile and without another word he pushes inside of me.
I’m only minimally wet, so the sensation of him inside feels like a dry rub and pinches slightly. I turn my head to the side and grit my teeth. I’ve been through so much. I can get through this. I can survive this night.
My mind wanders to last night I shared with Carmelo. He was so slow and generous and this is the opposite, it’s rutting. It’s dry and fast and without rhythm. I squeeze my eyes closed and focus on Carmelo. At lease if I could turn myself on by imagining Carmelo, it won’t hurt as bed. I think of his muscles and his passion. I think of his soft amber eyes and the face he makes when he played his violin for me.
I feel my muscles relax and I continue to imagine the man fucking me is Carmelo. It’s one of our heated moments as were frantic and chasing release. We’re going fast and hard because we can’t get enough of each other as if we’ve been separated for years and are making up for lost time.
Gaetano’s speed only increases and the rhythm is lost when he pushes himself hard inside me and groans. His body releases inside of me and he’s panting through his orgasm. I open my eyes looking past him, I wasn’t even close. Wasn’t even truly in the mood. He pulls out when he’s finished and lays on his back beside me. He doesn’t pull me close, doesn’t ask if I orgasmed or if I need to be taken care of. I watch as he shuts his eyes and sleeps.
I stand and run to the bathroom. I dry heave into the toilet. I thought for sure I would throw up the big dinner I had, but nothing is coming out. I look at myself in the mirror and don’t recognize the woman in front of me. I used to be unbothered and happy and now, now everything is shit. I don’t know how to hide, I don’t know how to endure this. I don’t want this life.
Every fiber of my being is yelling at me to grab my stuff and leave, but if he finds me gone in the morning he’s likely to be pissed off. The last thing I want is for him to be pissed off. So, I stay in the bathroom cleaning myself off and riding myself of his masculine cologne and scent and exit when my stomach has finally calmed down.
On his king sized bed, I sleep as far away as possible. I don’t feel safe in this house. I don’t feel safe in his bed. It isn’t like spending the night with Carmelo. Sleep finds me so easy with him. I’m so relaxed when he’s near me and I always feel like nothing can touch me because I know no matter what Carmelo would endure torture and take a bullet to ensure my safety.
I wish he was here. I need him here.