Living With The Player

DYLAN EMERTON

EIGHT MONTHS EARLIER.

I discern her without a sound, attentive enough to notice her every move, yet quiet enough not to get caught.

Camilla Renée has twisted me into a stalker. An excellent one.

I haven’t gotten caught in over two months.

I know her routine by heart. I’m good at this.

I peak at her in classrooms, on her way back home, during lunch with Miranda, Kelly, Brandon, and her other fucking friends. Yes, I know their names. Full-on stalk mode.

Graduation is today. It’s silly because I looked forward to doing this. *Looked*

I wrote it off as the day to let go.

But after that night, I got more invested than ever. And today as we clasped our diploma and told goodbye to friends, I felt it was time to say goodbye to her. Close that chapter.

Our silent exchange in the audience meant the world to me. We have roughly eight months before college. We’ll be worlds apart and I practised my expressions every day. Now she’s in eyesight. All I need to do is take less than thirty paces to snag her. So why have I stood rooted behind this car for nearly half an hour?

My window is enclosing rapidly. She will leave. She will drive off with her parents. I’ll never see her again. I’ll never get the chance to-

Fuck my life. It’s now or never Dylan. Her parents pull up the car. She’s clutching her purse with both hands, pecking Miranda’s cheeks and muttering something in her ear before they break apart. Then there’s a wave, and she turns.

She’s strutting out of sight now. Towards her parents’ car. But I can still see.

All I see is her.

The cloak of contentment is fading. The smile on her face barely ten seconds ago has washed away completely.

Her brows plunge significantly, and she puffs out.

I clutch to any part of the car as ihooked the air in my lungs. I’ve never seen this side of her before.

She appears shattered. Broken. A fucking shadow of herself.

Both hands fall to each side. I released a pent up breath of mine.

Me. I did that. I broke Camilla.

She’s smiling in public but withdrawn, really. All because of me. All because I was selfish, dumb, and stupid enough to fuck it all up.

What am I going to say when I walk up to her?

Hello? Happy graduation. Sorry I fucked someone months ago and ruined whatever we might have had. I think I have feelings for you and it scared me to the point of pushing you away and then I screwed up completely?

I breathe, then scoff.

She treads into the car, then her head moves to turn back. I retreat, ducking behind the car so she wouldn’t see me.

*Coward.*

My subconscious accuses. Guilty as charged. That I am.

From the mirror, I watch her heave, then get in. Her dad drives off hastily and I grip the back of the car, feeling nothing but hatred. Hatred towards me.

I’m a screwup all way round, but this is the worst. The best thing I can do for Camilla is leaving her alone.

I’ve ruined senior year already. I can’t be a part of her college experience. I will not taint that for her.

Holding that thought, I slipped off my graduation cap, placing it between both hands, then ambling into the walk of shame.

I’m a terrible person and Camilla deserves better. It took me this long to come to terms with it.

****

MONTHS EARLIER.

“Dylan!?”

My mother beckons in the halls.

I can hear her through the locked door, but I pretend not to.

I feign fatigue and rest on my bed. In the last few months, I’ve done four things.

Sleep. Eat. Drink. Box.

In no particular order. It’s a weekday and my mother should not be yelling, which means it can’t be important. Or so I thought.

“Dylan!”

Father yelled, and my eyes snapped wide open.

It’s one thing to ignore my mother, but dad will just make a fuzz about it.

So I slipped on a shirt and rolled my body out of bed. My exhausted figure, which I barely took care of. More junk foods. Bruises from punching too hard. Among others.

“Good morning family.”

I chirped, half opening the door. They breathed out, causing a smirk to form on my lips.

“How may I help since I’m so eager?”

I rolled my eyes. That was sarcasm.

“I told you yesterday after dinner. Your cousin Claire is coming in today. She put in an application for Cal-U and got in, so she’ll be staying here for a few months before moving into the dorms. You’re picking her up from the airport, so get clothed and move.”

Mom ordered, then stormed off. My relationship with them has improved a little.

I left the door wide open, standing there in utter shock.

Claire was coming?

Claire Mitchell. Twenty. Gorgeous. Sarcastic. Witty as hell. The female Dylan.

The one person in my family I could tolerate, since we had one thing in common. We were both screw-ups.

After thoughtful deliberation, I slammed the door shut and got ready for the airport.

The final months may be worthwhile after all.

****

“Dylan!”

She squealed, leaping from the ground, then latching her arms around my waist.

I let her rest her head over my chest before stroking her hair. She’s wearing the signature Claire look. Blue jeans and a black shirt. The female Dylan in the fucking flesh.

“I missed you.”

I ruffled it back, causing her to frown.

“Of course you did. I’m the moment.”

She twirled a strand, then chuckled.

“Come on. Let’s go.”

I tugged at her luggage, heading for the car which I had to borrow for dad.

I have parked my cycle for the last five months. Lucky guess why that is.

It wasn’t the only thing I switched up or moved.

I rearranged my room and took out all the reminders of her. If only it were that easy to evict her from my heart.

****

“So what university are you looking at?”

Claire asks on the way back home.

“I don’t know yet.”

“Huh?”

She half yelled. I winced, pressing my shoulder blades more to my ribs.

“I still have a few months before the applications close up and I could easily get into soccer in New York.”

“So do that.”

She was exasperated. I chuckle lightly without answering.

“Don’t tell me you’re done with a high school with no clue what to do with your life.”

I ignore that remark.

“Dylan?”

Silence.

“What happened to you?”

Her voice dialled down a little.

“You’re still the same cocky bastard, but there’s something off. I can tell.”

I wince once again.

“I’ll figure it out eventually, so spill now.”

“Do you want to go shopping before we head home?”

I whisper low to evade her interrogation.

“Yes!”

Claire squeals. Clockwork.

I’ve never met a female engrossed in shopping like Claire.

“Your distraction worked, but we will return to that topic sooner rather than later.”

She mused. I remained silent and turned towards the first mall in sight.

****

“Done?”

I cocked my head in annoyance, putting the last bag in the back seat.

She bobbed hers severally.

I sighed and shut the bonnet, leaving her to get into the car.

I went around it and got into the driver’s seat myself, then I adjusted the mirror, about to drive off. That’s when I see her.

All I can see is her.

My surroundings wash off, leaving just her. Everything I’ve kept sealed and hidden come rushing back. The force is strong enough to knock me down; I grip the side mirror and shut my eyes, shuddering, with millions of shivers running through my spine.

“Dylan?”

Claire’s voice takes me back to the present. I blink a few times and exhale.

She can’t see me. She won’t see me. I hit the accelerator and drive off.

****

“Dylan. Wait!”

Claire’s footsteps are quick, desperately struggling to meet mine. I’m taking three or four and running ahead until I get to my room and slam the door in her face.

Still, behind it, I drop to the floor and cover my entire body with my arms. My breathing is haggard and heavy. So much weight on my back. I blink and she’s there. I look forward and her reflection appears again.

Her. The cashier. God, it’s been so long. Too long. Why did I have to see her and ruin everything?

Fuck my life!

*****

“Pour a glass for me.”

Doesn’t she ever go away?

Once again, I flip my cousin off and continue sipping one of my dad’s expensive wine.

I’m sure he wouldn’t mind. I’ve got no fucks to give, anyway.

“I found something in the room. I think it’s the answer to all my questions.”

“Great for you.”

I slurred.NôvelDrama.Org owns all content.

“I did my homework and asked your parents. I just need you to answer two questions.”

“Hit me.”

I lifted the bottle and topped the wine.

“How bad was it? What you did and why haven’t you tried to fix it?”

I contemplate lying. Taking the wine to my room as I should’ve from the beginning. But after seeing her today. What the fuck do I have to lose?

“She walked in on me fucking another girl. I fucked her life up enough and I will not ruin it any further. We don’t have a future together. I’m going to New York. She’ll be in Cal-U, I hear. ”

I pause and laugh a little.

Mother thought I needed to know Camilla will be in Cal-U. As though I wasn’t torturing myself enough.

“She saw you? Fuck.”

Claire pulled a glass and yanked the bottle from my grip.

“That’s fucking messed up.”

The wine gets to the brim before she hands the bottle back.

“Yup.”

I smirk and continue drinking.

“Your mother says coach called months ago. Why haven’t you signed up yet?”

“I will.”

I retort, gritting my teeth.

“I know. It’s been months since graduation. Why haven’t you?”

“Fuck off Claire.”

She stiffens beside me. Guilt rises to my chest, but I shove it back down. I need her to leave me the hell alone.

“Soccer was for high school. It was fun. It’s a guy thing. I get it. But is that what you want to do for the rest of your life?”

I hiss and pound the table with my fist.

“What are you, my shrink?”

She laughs sweetly, then takes my drink away.

“I’m not Dylan. You’re my cousin and I care about you. A lot. I want you to think hard. What do you want to do? Because I can bet my Prada jacket that it’s not soccer. That’s the first step to getting yourself back.”

She pecked my cheeks, taking the bottle and both glasses away, retreating into the kitchen.

Bloody hell.

I gulp aggressively and face down on the table, unable to get Claire’s words out of my head.

******

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