Life, Once Again

After Story 231

The first thing he thought was that it was unfair. He watched with tension, but every once in a while, his body would cool down while watching the two people who were in a totally different league. It even felt aggravating as though he just woke up from a wonderful dream.

“They’re different alright,” said someone from his team.

He could smell something stinky that he couldn’t smell until just moments before. Gyungho looked at himself and his team that were drenched in sweat. Why were they in such different situations despite being in the same shooting location? The stink from his body felt disgusting.

He went to the bathroom to wash his hands and face.

His shoot for the day had ended a long time ago. He was going back to the residence when he caught sight of Han Maru and Hong Geunsoo. They seemed to be shooting a serious scene as even the director was watching with a grave face. He watched while wondering what the scene was about. Like that, he ended up watching for ten-something minutes in a daze.

This was the first time he felt so bad after seeing someone else’s acting. He would’ve felt better if he went back to the residence.

Gyungho rinsed his mouth with some tap water. Watching Han Maru’s acting reminded him of their drinking session a few days ago. He recalled how he missed an opportunity right in front of his eyes. If he wasn’t disappointed by the fact that the director was a student back then and agreed to join… if at least he said that they should talk about it after meeting up….

“I’m unlucky and unskilled.”

Gyungho rubbed the moisture on his hands on his clothes. It was impossible to win against someone with talent or someone with luck. Han Maru probably had both. He probably started off in a place that he would never be able to reach even if he put in a hundred days of effort.

It was such a harsh life. While someone managed to win lead roles and supporting roles thanks to great innate talent, someone else had to roll in the dirt with stinky clothes because they didn’t possess anything. The lottery was probably the only exit.

“He could’ve mentioned that first, petty prick.”

Maru’s figure as he said goodbye kept coming to his head. That guy didn’t mention the important details on purpose, just to toy with all of them. He hid the fact that he was going to be in the film and just put the student director forward.

Who would want to join something that a student director is working on? Not to mention, that director wasn’t even a theater major. It was natural to refuse. Han Maru must have aimed for that as well.

He must have been laughing on the inside. He might have clicked his tongue seeing Gyungho kick away that opportunity.

In that sense, Ahn Bangjoo was one lucky bastard. He was the only one that accepted the casting when everyone else refused.

A lucky man would find money even if they fall backward. Ahn Bangjoo was exactly like that.

He spat on the ground while thinking about the two people he didn’t want to see. Just then, a door in the bathroom opened. It was Han Maru with a haggard face.

“It’s been a while.”

Maru greeted first. Gyungho nodded bitterly. There was not a shred of good feelings for Maru in him anymore, nor was he shameless enough to greet back with a smile.

Maru looked at the mirror while washing his hands. The underside of his eyes was trembling slightly. Seeing that, he thought back to Han Maru and Hong Geunsoo’s act from just a while ago. The acting was intense and he felt like he would never be able to do something like that.

That act of passion was displayed by two lucky men with acting talent. This man in front of him probably didn’t know the hardships of ordinary people. Just like how winged creatures would fly into the skies with only a few practice flaps of their wings, that guy must have obtained what ordinary people would never be able to obtain with minimal effort.

Your acting is thanks to your innate talent – if he said something like this, then that guy would probably retort that effort that overcomes talent is more important than talent itself.

Just thinking about it made him retch. That man’s thought process should be structured completely differently. Just like how a creature with wings would never be able to understand the pains of one without.

“If there’s anything you want to say, then say it,” Maru said as he shook the water off his hands.

Only then did Gyungho realize that he was staring holes at Maru. He was slightly flustered, but he calmed down soon. It wasn’t like he had sinned, so there was no need to avoid him.

“I was just feeling envious,” Gyungho said as he stood next to Maru. He had washed his hands already, but he put his hand under running water again.

“You said something similar when we were drinking last time,” Maru said with a smile.

“Well, take it as me venting my frustration as someone who doesn’t own anything. I saw your acting just now. It gave me the chills. What I saw was messy with dozens of staff members and various equipment everywhere, but I could only see the two of you acting. I was surprised. So that’s what acting is; so that’s how far you can go; stars are really born stars.”

Gyungho said all that calmly before shaking his hands dry. A drop of water fell down from the faucet he just shut off.

“So I couldn’t help but be envious. If I had such talent, no, if I had a shred of that talent, then how different would things be? Don’t you think I would’ve gotten a supporting character role at least? I would’ve gotten it even with a fraction of your talent. The important thing these days is to be born with talent. I mean, you know what they say. DNA is everything.”

The more he spoke, the more sarcastic his tone became. He knew that he didn’t need to respond emotionally, but his mouth went off on its own when he saw Maru in front of him. Perhaps it was out of disappointment. Maybe he would’ve acted differently if Maru suggested to him that they should work together on the film.

“Do I have great talent in your eyes, Mr. Gyungho?”

“Why do you say that? You don’t like the word talent?”

Maru shook his head.

“No, I was just grateful that you saw me that way. There’s no need to feel bad when someone’s complimenting you, is there?”

“It’s not really a compliment. It’s not the result of effort but a product of pure coincidence. You can’t really call it a compliment when it’s something natural for them.”

“I guess that’s one way of looking at it.”

Maru responded leisurely. Gyungho was dissatisfied with that. He couldn’t help but smile in ridicule when he saw Maru acting all high and lofty, acting like he didn’t need to respond to someone like him.

“Honestly, you have to admit it too, don’t you? You know how important talent is in arts and athletics.”

“Of course.”

“We live in an era where even studying, which was thought to be a result of effort, is largely determined by genes, so it naturally applies to acting as well. I’m really envious that you were born with that talent. Having good parents sure is good.”

“You really seem to place a lot of importance on talent.”

“Because there’s living proof in front of me. Actor Hong Geunsoo and you. I’m sure the two of you have put in a lot of effort, but would it have been possible to display an act like that without talent?”

Maru pulled out a paper towel and wiped his hand. When the wet paper towel was tossed into the trash, Maru spoke,

“I can tell what you’re thinking. I’m like that too. The difference in talent, innate talent, is important. I don’t plan to deny that. It’s not something I can deny either.” Maru looked at his hands before continuing, “That person has a higher talent than me, more luck than me – I think about this many times a day too. If I look around during the shoot, I can see dozens of people who are more talented than me. But then again, it makes me think – so what?”

Maru took off the costume he was wearing on top of his clothes. He folded the clothes and continued in a calm voice,

“It’s something I already started. I wanted to become an actor, and I tried my best to become one. I don’t know if I’m going in the right direction, but what I can say for sure is that I’m now far from the starting point. There is no going back. If I were to realize that I’m going in the wrong direction, then I shouldn’t be going back but starting anew at that spot.”

Maru took a step closer to him. Gyungho subconsciously took a step back.

“What is it that you want to do, Mr. Gyungho? If what you want is to stand still and grab anyone passing by and lament about your situation, then, sure, do just that. There’s no problem if you gain satisfaction from doing it and enjoy your life that way.”

Gyungho looked at Maru’s nose with his lips firmly sealed. The eyes he had no problems looking at felt so burdensome right now.

“If not, then…” Maru did not finish those words off and smiled, “Do your best, whether it’s acting or whatever else.”

Maru turned around and left the bathroom.

Gyungho told him to wait and grabbed him. He wanted to listen to what he had to say until the end. Although he found it unpleasant to listen to, he felt like something would change if he could listen to it until the end.

“Anything you want?”

“If not then – what were you going to say after that?”

“Oh, that? It’s nothing much, so don’t mind.”

“Say it. I’ll be the judge of whether it’s nothing much or not.”

However, Maru did not say anything. Gyungho had a bad omen like the time he missed an opportunity right in front of his eyes. He felt like something would change inside him if he realized the true intentions of what Maru was going to say.

The man in front of him possessed great talent. He must look at the world with a different pair of eyes than ordinary people. Any advice from someone like him would definitely be helpful.

“Mr. Maru.”

When Gyungho was about to take a step closer, Maru put his hand in front of him. It was a gesture telling him to not come any closer or to talk to him.

“I’m sure you have your own answer, Mr. Gyungho. I don’t know what that is, but don’t you think you will gain something from it if you put in a lot of effort?”

“There are things you can’t obtain with just effort.”

“If that’s how you think, then I can’t help that. What am I supposed to say in response to something that you’re saying you can’t do?”

“No, what I meant to say is…”

He tried to speak again in haste, but Maru just smiled and left the bathroom.

Mr. Maru, Mr. Maru — he called him several times, but Maru did not turn around.

The people nearby started looking at him. Gyungho almost sprinted to catch up to Maru.

“If what I said in the bathroom displeased you, then I’ll apologize. I said it because things just didn’t work out for me. I had no intention of blaming you. I was just frustrated. Actors younger than me are going past me, while I am on the same spot.”

Maru did not slow down. Gyungho hurriedly continued,

“I’m sure you understand it too. You must know how hasty people can get if they lack something. They struggle in order to get even something small. If my words made you feel unpleasant, then I’ll apologize again. So can you please just tell me what you were…”

“Mr. Gyungho.”

Maru stopped. Gyungho swallowed a breath in joy and looked at Maru. His eyes were smiling, but the eyes within were frosty.

“I’ll cheer for you wherever I am. I’m sure you’ll do well in whatever you do. That’s all I have to say to you.”

Maru reached his hand out. Gyungho grabbed that hand, feeling empty. After the handshake, he watched Maru in a daze as he walked away.This content © Nôv/elDr(a)m/a.Org.

Maru stopped and turned around,

“If you believe that talent decides everything, then you don’t have to do anything. You just have to live the way you want and become successful if you find a type of work that you have talent in. But does the world really work like that? I’m going to put in the effort today and even tomorrow. Oh, I guess you might think that even putting in effort requires talent. It might be true too. But does it change anything even if you know the truth?”

Maru looked at him quietly for a while before reaching his hand out. Gyungho didn’t know what that meant and stared back when Maru told him to give him his phone. He quickly handed over his phone.

“Try calling that number. You’ll be able to participate in the new actor audition carried out by JA.”

“R-really?”

“If you don’t believe me, then you can just erase that number.”

“No! I believe you. Thank you so much. Mr. Maru. Thank you so much.”

Gyungho was touched as he looked at that number. Any negative opinions he had about Maru disappeared in an instant. An audition for JA? Even top-tier acting schools only told this number to a handful of their students.

“No, don’t thank me. You won’t be thanking me.”

He raised his head at Maru’s voice. Maru had turned around and was walking away.

He thought about the words Maru left behind. I won’t be thanking him? — after a moment though, he looked at the number with a joyful smile.

An opportunity had finally come to him. The second act of his life was going to start now. Gyungho rushed to the residence while hugging his phone like it was his treasure.